don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
