return my video game
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
