then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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