I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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