Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
