Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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