I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
