I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
