I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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