I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
