I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this beer tastes like vomit already
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
