Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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