then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
