I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
