Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize