Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
