Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
