just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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