Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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