So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
