STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
