I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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