I'm so fucking centered right now
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
