Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
