I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
