sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
