are you still at the devil's house?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
