So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
