you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize