I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
