How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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