I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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