Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
