come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
