so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Semen is not good for contacts.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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