I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
