i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
