apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
