Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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