I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
