her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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