i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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