mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
