My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You are the jesus of drinking
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
