yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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