Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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