he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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