im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
