i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My balls are so social today.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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