One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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