My first STD was from a foam party
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
