hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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