I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
how drunk are you?
Several
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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