He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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