Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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