I am puke
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We are two peas in an std pod
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
