I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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