mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
