There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I love having hate sex.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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