all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize