So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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