Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
