he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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