I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
