Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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