i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i came on her dog
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
