I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
