So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
