i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize