I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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